Have you ever looked around and wondered why some people achieve everything they put their mind to while others struggle just to get out of bed? What’s the difference?
The difference is their level of confidence and what kind of confidence is present in their life. You may have a confidence that’s more detrimental than beneficial towards your happiness, see for yourself.
Types of Confidence
There are different types that a person can have, and that particular type plays a huge role in their level of drive, success and achievement. It’s important to read on with the idea that each type is a separate person from your own, simply helping or taking away from your true self.
This is a very common confidence most people wear, including myself, but it’s temporary, surface-level and sometimes unproductive. In some cases, this is the ‘quick’ fix confidence, this is the ‘materialistic’ confidence, this is the ‘insecure’ confidence, the “superficial’ confidence, the ‘loud’ confidence. And this surface-level confidence comes from how we feel about our looks, our impression.
Now, It’s important to be aware of what our confidence is dependent on.
If it’s solely dependent on how we look, since outer-appearance is always changing, always fluctuating, so will our confidence, whether it’s positive or negative.
Most of the time, we tend to feel negative about our appearance. Costing a lot of money, focus and time in order to make us feel positive about it, and these commodities could be placed in something far more beneficial.
When we buy extensions, make-up, diet pills, shoes, it gives us a sudden surge of confidence. A quick fix. It gives us ‘perfection’ on the outside so we tend not to focus on improving ourselves on the inside. But this quick fix always fizzles out, making us crave more make-up, better hair, or nicer clothes just to get that hit of confidence again and it will never seize to stop unless you stop it.
Here are some characteristics of Outer-Confidence (side-note: think of it as another entity visiting the home of your mind, it’s not the true you).
- It clings onto doubt
- It doesn’t like being alone with itself
- It doesn’t like facing difficult challenges
- It leaves you with Insecurities
- It follows the crowd instead of the heart’s desires
- It makes you think you’re not good enough so you never try
- It makes you feel empty because it resides on the outside
- It takes your time and energy away from focusing on your abilities, talents and skills
- It compares yourself to others
- It comes and goes in short bursts
- It invites fear and jealousy
If you see any of these in your person, don’t feel ashamed about it, we all do. Besides, it’s important to be aware. That’s the first step to change, the first step to kicking out this impersonating confidence. It’s only natural to want to look good because looking good means you feel good, right?
Feeling good isn’t solely dependent on whatever the standards for looking good are, however, whether you believe you look good is dependent on your level of feeling good about yourself. So if we can get to feeling good about something other than our looks, naturally, the rest will take care of itself.
For instance, we’ve all met somebody who had those rockin’ good looks, but after getting know their personality, they didn’t have that depth, that”inner-beauty”, ultimately changing how we perceived their surface, their “outer-beauty”.
We have also met those people that didn’t live up to the ridiculous beauty standards that magazines create, but once you noticed they still beamed with a special confidence, you suddenly saw them as beautiful.
Have you ever looked at an artist, writer, singer, dancer, mountain-biker, surfer, wrestler or anybody else with a passion and think, “Oh god, I’m sorry, but I can’t see all that hard work behind all them pimples”?
Right, so if it’s not about looks, why do people with six-packs, healthy bodies and big homes stride with so much confidence?
Because it’s about their achievement. And achievement is one of those things that gives us the ‘productive’, ‘ move mountains’, ‘motivated’, ‘genuine’ confidence.
Achievement is the powerful seed that blooms into inner-confidence. Achievement is proving to ourselves that we have the ability to set a goal and make it happen.
Inner-confidence is born when we begin to prove to ourselves that we can and that we will.
Inner-confidence grows when it is fed with persistence, trial-and-error, trust, and then watered with acceptance.
Inner-confidence gives us everything we desire in life only when it is strong enough to withstand the blows of doubt, failure and criticism. Hence the reason inner-confidence can be guaranteed to be found if it’s met with patience and try, and will never be seen with a quick-fix.
If your inner-confidence isn’t worked on and just covered up, you’ll never truly get the things you desire.
Here are some characteristics of Inner-Confidence:
- It motivates you
- It gives you passion
- It makes you feel happy about being you
- It attracts people to you
- You don’t mind being alone with yourself
- It sparks creativity out of boredom
- It leads you to lead your own life
- It gives you abundance
- It doesn’t need materialism to feel fulfilled
- You trust your own ideas
- It brings love
- It stumps fear
How to Gain Real Inner-Confidence
Inner-confidence, inner-beauty, depth, comes from discovering and focusing on your inner-abilities, skills, passions, personal desires, talents or knowledge. A pretty face doesn’t mean much if it’s not accompanied by depth, we’ve all seen this. Inner-confidence will result in spending less on temporary clothes and make-up and more on your long-term craft. This will result in finding your passion and leading you towards your happiness. However, there is another key factor in tapping into inner-confidence.
Change your inner-thoughts
This is crucial. I tend to personify all of my emotions and separate them from my true self, they are not who I am, they simply come to visit and it’s up to me to open the door.
Now that you have taken a mental note to separate yourself from those rippling emotions in the future, it’s time to go to the mirror, look at yourself and practice the same. Too lazy to get up? That’s okay, you can visualize it too.
When you see your reflection, instead of seeing it as the “you” you identify with, see the reflection as if you were standing across from a dear lover or a good friend. Look into your eyes and say with feeling, “I believe in you. I am here for you and you are worthy of everything you desire. You deserve happiness. I believe in you. I’m here for you. Go get it.”
This is important.
By practicing this, it will ultimately change the course of your thoughts from negative to positive. It mutes the critic in your head that stops you from doing the things you truly want.
You would never tell a person you loved that they couldn’t do something or that they’re not good enough, you would make sure that person knew their worth, wouldn’t you? In the same sense, you should be letting your person know that they’re capable of anything they put their mind to and are worthy of true happiness.
Capable of anything you put your mind to illustrates the power of your thoughts. Whatever you tell yourself, negative or positive, roots into the soil of your subconscious and grows into your reality. So if you tell yourself, “I can’t do this”, “I’m not good enough,” over and over, it will become true. “I think therefore I am.”
You would never lash out the same negativity you speak upon yourself towards a friend who’s trying to achieve their goal, right? Because you know if you showed them that somebody believed in them, it might give them the extra push they need to get to where they wanted to go.
The same goes for yourself. You need to be your friend. Believe in yourself and you will get that push that you need.
Change your inner-thoughts, change your confidence from outer to inner, and watch your aspirations change.
Practices for Inner-Confidence
With these same practices I’m about to share, I stopped tearing myself down, I overcame eating disorders, manifested the courage to drop university and pursue my dream of traveling. Now, this inner-confidence is holding my hand to start this blog.
#1 – Achieve a small goal
This could be anything. Tell yourself to do 5 pushups. Tell yourself you to draw. Tell yourself you’ll do something and then do it. With more practice, you will take bigger and bigger steps. This is how you slowly begin to trust your own word, this is the foundation of inner-confidence. Once you trust what you tell yourself, you’ll believe it, you’ll do it.
#2 – Take off the make-up
Don’t get me wrong, nothing is wrong with wearing make-up! It can definitely be a useful art and spice things up, but if you feel like you are not comfortable going out as you are, that is outer-confidence at play. You might use cover-up to hide those blotches for that quick-fix of confidence, but that doesn’t resolve the issue within your body that is causing those blotches to appear. Just try taking it off once a week. See how people reflect and notice, regardless of what you expect, that nobody will treat you any differently. Once you no longer depend on make-up to feel attractive or good, you can put it on or take it off without it affecting your foundational confidence.
#3- Counteract negative thought
Visualize what you want for yourself. Believe you can achieve this. Watch the negative thoughts storm in. “Ridiculous! There’s no time! Nobody else did it, what makes you think you can?” Counteract these thoughts with positive ones. “There’s nothing but time. I am creative. I am unique.” If you speak to yourself kindly and positively, your mind will listen and produce the necessary feelings you need (drive, motivation, etc) to achieve whatever it is you want. Do this daily, it takes training. “Your wish is my command.”
#4- Dance freely
You don’t need a festival or Dj to enjoy yourself. Throw on music, close your eyes and let loose! Don’t worry about looking good or moving to the beat. This is all about practicing how to feel good without depending on looking good and enjoying your own company. This works miracles. 10/10 recommend.
#5- Be creative
This is another practice of letting go of what looks good and focusing on what feels good. This creativity could be anything. No professionalism needed. Get some crayons, some stickers, a pencil, whatever. Just get jiggy with yourself, let loose and forget about what looks good. Just let it be and express yourself on paper, through words or whichever else you choose to do.
#6- Try something you’ve never done, especially if it scares you.
This is a practice of opening yourself up to possibility and overcoming fear. Even if it’s something small. This takes a leap courage, faith, and adventure. This is the baby step to achieving bigger possibilities and training yourself to override bigger doses of fear. Try a new flavor ice-cream. A new past time. Think of something that scares you and think, “F*ck it” then do it. By using my “F*ck it” mantra, I have danced on top of tables in public with no music, walked up to strangers to strike up a conversation (who are now my friends) and traveled the world. In other words, just let go. It works wonders.
These are some of the things I constantly did, and it really made me feel happier with myself.
I hope it helps you all the same.
Have any other advice? Post it in the comments below.